Excerpts from an email, from an acquaintance, a couple of weeks ago…
“I had success young, which was not completely a good thing. I tended to confuse ‘right place/right time’ with expertise, and took my licks accordingly.
“After a setback, I managed to dig my way out and become financially independent. I had just turned 40 and felt like I’d been to hell and back, professionally and personally. I could have blamed other people quite easily, as I work in a cutthroat industry, but it was mostly me. My choices, my behavior, both on the good side and the bad side.
“When the game-changer check finally cleared the bank and I was able to sit on the beach and think, I decided against making big pronouncements about how I’d live the back half of my life. I just decided that I would avoid doing things I would feel bad about later. That was it.
“If there was a 51% chance of regret, guilty, repercussions, consequences, or just plain bad karma, I would not do it, whatever ‘it’ was. I’d still do business and make deals, but the guardrails were up.
“Hangovers and hurting people became a thing of the past, as much as the temptations presented themselves. Cutting corners at work was a no-go. Honesty was my default priority. Letting the chips fall where they may as a result was something I adjusted to dealing with.
“I say ‘adjusted’ because it sucks sometimes when you could do something profitable or easy/easier and you choose not to for ‘integrity’ or ‘possible bad things that could happen as a result’. I’d like to say that I’m always noble, but half the time I’m just avoiding self-sabotage.
“I just don’t do things that might cause me trouble or pain. Not anymore. Sure, I’m in a relationship and I might get hurt. That’s different than making a solo choice that has all the tell-tale signs of possibly/probably going sideways. Something destructive. Something preventable.
“12 months into this ‘just don’t screw up’ program and I’m a lot happier, a lot more successfully, in the wholistic sense of the word, and still financially independent.
“Maybe as a result or maybe not related at all, I got rid of a lot of ‘stuffa’. Things that I had that I wasn’t using and really didn’t mean anything to me anymore. Ego things. Heirloom things. Biggest change: sold the house. Sold the car. Moved to the city. Smaller place. Minimal amount of ‘things’. Taking the subway now. Wearing sneakers until I hit the office, then changing into heels. Conservative investments. Cheaper restaurants, less often. Trying to be polite as often as I can without getting walked on.
“I’m not exercising any more often than I used to. Not really eating any better. My hours are still crazy. I’m still a little crazy. I’m just not shooting myself in the foot on a regular basis, here at age 40.
“Yes, I am a quick study. Hahaha!”
- BGT
I have never heard humility put quite like this. And I’m here for it.
Harry Markowitz (Nobel Prize in economics), Jeff Bezos (founder of Amazon) and Daniel Kahneman (Nobel Prize in psychology) have all said that their investment strategy is based on minimizing future regret. I think that’s sound advice for almost anybody. Different people come to that realization in different ways, but the sooner it’s learned, the better.
“I’d like to say that I’m always noble, but half the time I’m just avoiding self-sabotage.” This is also how I look at life and also how I give others advice. It’s easy to forget that we’re all connected and that treating others with respect makes our own lives a lot easier in the long run.