We often read about how rewarding and important it is–personally and professionally–to go against the grain, blaze our own individual trail, and stand out from the crowd.
Conformity is seen as surrender, the absence of courage, the acceptance of the status quo. Some people think that it signals a lack of independent thought or originality.
To this I would say…not always.
First, know that it may be wise to adopt the manners, dress, and rituals of a group in order to make progress within that group. That is not to say that you must adopt their values and thinking in every regard. It only means that you might be smart by appearing to do so.
I know a number of people–Old Money Guys and Gals and others–who button it up four or five days a week in order to accomplish their (usually) professional goals.
Their evenings and/or weekends, however, are quite a different story. They do as they please without fanfare, explanation, or apology, and in doing so acknowledge and honor their individuality, their unique soul, their own voice.
In adopting this balance–some would use the word ‘compromise’–they are able to, quite simply, get what they want and still be who they are.
I think this is a solid approach. However, I would suggest this strongly: if you’re going to make this trade off, know why you’re doing it. Know what you’re going to get out of it in very definite terms. Do not be vague, for when you pay for something with your life and time you want to know exactly what you’ll get in return, when you’ll get it, and most of all why it is meaningful to you.
Very few of us can do as we please 100% of the time in life. I’ve seen people who’ve had this option for awhile. Surprisingly, they begin to construct self-imposed boundaries in an effort to ‘get a handle on things again’, as one of them phrased it to me. Apparently, we instinctively put our feelers out for limits. Perhaps we need them for direction, for a sense of self-worth, or to make sure we don’t hurt others.
Note: people without boundaries or limits are sometimes known as sociopaths or psychopaths.
Second, if you do decide to throw conformity out with the bathwater, make sure you don’t spend all of your time trying to be so individualistic and avant-guarde that you don’t have the energy, focus, or skills to be good at whatever it is you say you’re going to do in life.
I’ve seen victims of this syndrome plenty of times. They dress like Oscar Wilde and affect a cavalier, even outlandish personae, but can’t write a grocery list. They wear torn shirts and leather pants like a rock star but can’t sing their way out of a paper bag. They play the eccentric, which is entertaining as far as it goes, but there’s no purpose to their life, which is boring when you get down to it.
The most interesting and productive people may be those who have learned enough about themselves and are confident enough in their purpose and abilities that they can be comfortable in their own skin, aware of the requirements of their chosen profession, and carefree enough to break a rule or two along the way.
You know, like me with run-on sentences. (Wink, nod.)
In summary, know that conformity can be advantageous if used wisely. Also know that doing things in order to be an individual or be different is sometimes a facade. Very few things are really new, really original.
But being true to yourself is one of them.
- BGT
Do not try and buck the system. Make the system work for you.
Regards,
David.
Thank you for this. My own opinion is that “sticking it to the man” has been passe for quite some time. Time to leave that attitude in the dust where it belongs. Counterculture has become so mainstream and commodified (Sp?) during the last 50+ years that it’s largely meaningless. We are about as far from the halcyon days of Gracie Slick and the Airplane, for example, as it is possible for society to be. Far better to rejoin society (to a point), dress, carry, and propel oneself through life as though one actually gives a damn about: a) themselves; b) their prospects; c) those around them; and most important d) the state of the larger world. Time to think about the bigger picture and ask ourselves what we might do to leave the world in a better state than we currently find it. Tuning in, turning on, and dropping out won’t get us there.
Idealistic Regards,
Heinz-Ulrich
My impression is that when most people think about nonconformity they are thinking about superficial nonconformity. Some of the most nonconformist people I know dress, act and talk in a completely ordinary (even boring) way, but they think for themselves in a deep way that most people do not. True nonconformity is not a stylistic affectation; it’s about taking the road less traveled on the meaningful and important things.