Part of Old Money culture is the preservation of certain traditions: dressing appropriately, reading voraciously, working diligently, and spending carefully.
Etiquette and manners of course fall into this group of top-shelf priorities. Within this category, I have to mention the dying art of sending the Thank You note.
To be clear: emails do not cut it. If you’re a guest at someone’s home for dinner or lunch, a handwritten note of appreciation is the very least you an do. If it’s an elegant dinner party, a bouquet of flowers delivered by the florist the next day is a thoughtful and memorable gesture.
But for most occasions, it is simply the handwritten Thank You note that works best.
The reasons are numerous.
First, we want to express gratitude and appreciation sincerely as often as we can. This is a spiritual truth, and a human reality. The universe (or God) likes it when we appreciate things, and we are more likely to receive more of them when we acknowledge and say thanks.
Second, a specifically designed Thank You note that says “Thank You” on it (or “Merci” as I’ve seen here in France) is a subtle way of communicating to the recipient that not only are you grateful for their hospitality or kindness, but that you make a habit of writing Thank You notes to express your gratitude. This response makes them aware that their effort was not wasted, and that you have learned some manners somewhere along the way.
Third, it’s good business. A young man I mentored years ago was making his way in the entertainment industry, just out of college. I encouraged him to send a Thank You note to people he worked for after each television production job. He was initially skeptical, until a production manager called him back in to discuss a new job opportunity.
As he sat down in the office to discuss the position, the production manager spun in his chair and pointed to his bulletin board. It was filled with production notes, photos with the members of the cast, crayon drawings by his daughter…and the handwritten Thank You note my young friend had sent him after working as a runner the previous season.
“Nobody else has ever done that,” said the production manager, referring to the note. My young friend landed the job as an assistant director for three seasons on the show. Yes, he was qualified and yes, he worked hard. But he got in the door because of a Thank You note.
People remember.
So keep a box of Thank You notes in your desk drawer at home or at work. Use them when appropriate. Mail in the post them the day after the event or the day after receiving a gift.
Yes, it requires paper, postage, and time.
But some traditions are worth preserving.
- BGT
BGT,
Because of the regrettable demonstration of both thankfulness and grace for humanity’s charity, the aforementioned advice is both valued and worthwhile to provide during such circumstances.
I have always done this and have taught my children the same. It absolutely is a tradition worth preserving.
Thanks for the reminder. It’s easy to get lazy about it since no one else does it, but you can’t show gratitude more graciously than with a handwritten thank you card.
Wonderful story, Byron. A part of success in life comes down to being brilliant at the basics—simple acts like saying please and thank you, putting your phone away when engaging with others, and taking the time to send a well-written thank you note. With tools like ChatGPT, crafting thoughtful messages has never been easier. Small gestures, done consistently, make a lasting impression.
Amen. My mother taught me to do this before anyone had ever heard of email, and I thank her—and God—for it. Imagine getting an email (text is ok, I think, for timeliness, but only if followed later by a proper note) from someone whom you took the time to care, buy, and mail a gift, because they thought an email was good enough. Most likely, they are not rude, only ignorant of how things are supposed to be. President George Bush (who never needed middle initials as president but for some reason is always assigned them now—but not by me) wrote so many cards and letters that they ended up in a book. May we all be like that. Thanks Mom!
The first President Bush is now referred to as George H.W. Bush to distinguish him from his son, George W. Bush, who was also president.
Well, of course, but the W. initially was inside the family to distinguish the son from the father. That’s why the family always called him “George W.” I still see no reason that the father has to be reverse distinguished from the son. IThere’s the George Bush Library at Rice Univ. and the George W. Bush Library in Dallas. I doubt if any American who can enjoy a museum has ever gotten the two confused. I would think young school children would be more confused as to why anyone had two middle initials. Many road signs on interstates in Texas are still named for George Bush, sans the H. W. If the American people cannot tell between President George Bush and President George W. Bush, that is pretty sad, just like John Adams and John Quincy Adams. Not John Quincy and his father John H. W. That’s all I meant by my original comment.
Wonderful advice! THANK YOU!
My mother taught me this practice when I was very young and now at 57 I’m teaching our daughter the same. Thank you Mom.